This morning I woke up feeling unsettled, which usually means I dreamed about Grandpa last night. I dream of him often, remembering him at various stages of his life. Sometimes I don't remember the dream, but know I visited with him in my subconscious by the way that I feel in the morning.
My first encounter with him was right after he passed away at the end of April. He came to me angry and unhappy, which was not only unsettling, it was down right upsetting. I wasn't sure if he was mad that he died and that he wasn't able to say good bye, or if it was something else? I still don't know for certain, but eventually the dreams of him became happy again. One day I dreamed he was an image of his young self - a stage of him that I have only admired in pictures, and the stage in his life that I believe he is living in the Spiritual realm. He was gardening and happy. Grandpa never says anything in these dreams, just turns and smiles and continues on with his digging and planting. Looking back on those first initial images of him, I think maybe Grandpa was upset that he had to leave us all behind, but now that he knows we are all ok, he's able to be happy in heaven.
The reality is that we move on with our daily lives, but we never forget him. I think of him everyday at some point in the day. Sometimes it's with a happy memory and other times it's with a deep sense of loss. Today was one of those deep sense of loss feelings. The wave of emotion was almost nauseating as I thought of his last days on earth, his wake and funeral. Fresh tears came to my eyes, knowing it could be decades before I am able to see him again. The memories I have of him will be forever ingrained in my mind. It's like yesterday that I see myself walking with him in his garden, admiring the way he picks a cherry tomato off the vine and eats it. I imagine us walking together along the seashore and collecting seashells as we did when I was a child. Sometimes I worry that I will forget the sound of his voice and his laugh; the way he could cheer me up when I was down. I cherish these memories and hope that they will forever stay fresh in my mind, as if it were yesterday.
This morning after my drive to work, and after my trip down memory lane, I learned that my Grandfather's brother, Sam, passed away after a long battle with cancer. It's comforting to know that they are together again with their parents, sisters and brother who have predeceased them. However, knowing of the loss Uncle Sam's sons and daughter, wife and living brothers and sisters will feel makes the fresh wounds of losing Grandpa all the more real today. My Uncle Sam was a very nice man, and I feel privileged to have known him. I pray that he meets up with Grandpa, Uncle Pat, Aunt Fe, Aunt Betty and Aunt Pauline very soon. May you all rest in peace.
On a happier note, I want to wish my nephew Alex, who is also my Godson, a very happy 12th birthday! I love you kiddo.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Getting Spayed
Yesterday morning, Marley had her vet appointment to be spayed. The plan involved me dropping her off before I was to head to work, and Eric was to pick her up at 5 p.m. after the surgery. I've only been to the vet once as a passenger in the vehicle, so I was unsure exactly where I needed to go. I ended up turning down the wrong street and having to decide whether I should turn around or try another route. After several attempts to reach Eric on the cell phone for directions and a few unladylike choice words left for him on his voicemail, I reached out to my mother in law who brings her dog to the same vet. Luckily, she pointed me in the right direction so I could drop Marley off for her surgery.
Poor Marley didn't know what was coming, because the last time she was at the vet she received lots of treats and praise during her puppy socialization class. She was ecstatic to be back at this "fun" place and was scratching at the door to get in. She greeted each receptionist and wanted a nice pat on the head from the other pet owner waiting to see the vet. After a short stay in the waiting room, we went back and had her weighed. She's a slender 37.5 pounds and in great health. The vet came in, listened to her heart and sent the vet tech in to take her to the back room so she could be prepped to go under the knife.
Seething from the inability to reach my husband, added to the nervousness I felt after leaving my puppy at the vet for surgery, I was in for a long day at work. Luckily for Eric, he called to apologize and explain that he had fallen asleep and did not hear the cell phone ring. Although I was still irked by his lack of consideration since I clearly did not know exactly where I was going and he should have kept his eyes open until I called to give him the deets on when to pick Marley up, I couldn't stay mad at him for long. He has this irritating way of making me forgive him when I am clearly not ready to let him off the hook so easily. Maybe next time I'll have the will power to make him suffer with the silent treatment for more than 15 minutes. However, according to my male coworker, men typically look forward to getting the silent treatment. Apparently, it's the perfect time to catch up on their football stats. Thanks to this tidbit of information, I will have to get creative for the next time Eric is need of consequences. I digress.
I got home shortly after Marley came home from the vet to find her angry with me and still loopy from the anesthesia. She didn't even wag her tail when I went to check on her. She didn't try to leap into my arms as she typically does during a regular work week, nor did she want me to snuggle up next to her. Instead she turned away from me, leaving me a little heart broken. It didn't help that when Eric came into the room her tail started wagging. All the more proof that she saw me as the the evil mother who left her at the vet to get snipped, and Eric as her knight in shining armor who rescued her from that horrible place. This refueled my anger at Eric for not answering his phone when I called for directions. I got over it as the night went on and so did Marley's attitude toward me as the effects of the drugs wore off.
I slept on the couch to keep an eye on Marley who is under strict orders to take it easy for the next 2 weeks, and at 1, 3, and 5 a.m. Marley was up and wanting to play and show me love. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to keep a 5 month old puppy from doing laps in the back yard? Or from jumping up to show she wants to play catch? This is going to be a long 2 weeks of trying to control our hyperactive and wacky Labradoodle, but we'll do our best to keep her safe.
Please say a little prayer for my sanity.
Poor Marley didn't know what was coming, because the last time she was at the vet she received lots of treats and praise during her puppy socialization class. She was ecstatic to be back at this "fun" place and was scratching at the door to get in. She greeted each receptionist and wanted a nice pat on the head from the other pet owner waiting to see the vet. After a short stay in the waiting room, we went back and had her weighed. She's a slender 37.5 pounds and in great health. The vet came in, listened to her heart and sent the vet tech in to take her to the back room so she could be prepped to go under the knife.
Seething from the inability to reach my husband, added to the nervousness I felt after leaving my puppy at the vet for surgery, I was in for a long day at work. Luckily for Eric, he called to apologize and explain that he had fallen asleep and did not hear the cell phone ring. Although I was still irked by his lack of consideration since I clearly did not know exactly where I was going and he should have kept his eyes open until I called to give him the deets on when to pick Marley up, I couldn't stay mad at him for long. He has this irritating way of making me forgive him when I am clearly not ready to let him off the hook so easily. Maybe next time I'll have the will power to make him suffer with the silent treatment for more than 15 minutes. However, according to my male coworker, men typically look forward to getting the silent treatment. Apparently, it's the perfect time to catch up on their football stats. Thanks to this tidbit of information, I will have to get creative for the next time Eric is need of consequences. I digress.
I got home shortly after Marley came home from the vet to find her angry with me and still loopy from the anesthesia. She didn't even wag her tail when I went to check on her. She didn't try to leap into my arms as she typically does during a regular work week, nor did she want me to snuggle up next to her. Instead she turned away from me, leaving me a little heart broken. It didn't help that when Eric came into the room her tail started wagging. All the more proof that she saw me as the the evil mother who left her at the vet to get snipped, and Eric as her knight in shining armor who rescued her from that horrible place. This refueled my anger at Eric for not answering his phone when I called for directions. I got over it as the night went on and so did Marley's attitude toward me as the effects of the drugs wore off.
I slept on the couch to keep an eye on Marley who is under strict orders to take it easy for the next 2 weeks, and at 1, 3, and 5 a.m. Marley was up and wanting to play and show me love. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to keep a 5 month old puppy from doing laps in the back yard? Or from jumping up to show she wants to play catch? This is going to be a long 2 weeks of trying to control our hyperactive and wacky Labradoodle, but we'll do our best to keep her safe.
Please say a little prayer for my sanity.
Monday, August 15, 2011
What a production
For Eric's 30th birthday, I booked him a flight to Atlanta to celebrate with his friends from high school who left New York for greener pastures a few years back. He's been itching to visit them, but hadn't had the opportunity because of busy schedules and other circumstances. So, I figured it was time to make it happen. After some scheming with his friends, I booked his flight so that on June 8 he could open his flight itinerary and Atlanta Braves tickets. Although he has an irrational fear of flying, he was excited for his August trip.
He left on Thursday and he comes home today after a weekend filled with golf, drinks and new memories with friends. I am glad to know that he had a great time, but I am ready for him to be home again. Although I like alone time as much as anyone, I was amazed at how much I missed him despite my own busy weekend.
My mom, sister, grandmother, aunt and I took a road trip of our own to Grove City, Pa. for some heavy-duty shopping. After a long three hour drive there, we arrived at the Outlet Mall with our credit cards in hand and ready to shop til we dropped. And that's exactly what we did. I even got some Christmas shopping done while I was there - hopefully I remember these purchases come December.
My sister, being the money-saving genius that she is, booked us a room at a nearby Super 8 motel... we learned a valuable lesson that night after we arrived at the room exhausted from a full day of shopping - sometimes a bargain isn't worth the bargain price. Since there were five us, we were forced to sleep three in a double bed. Being the youngest at 27, I was relegated to the middle spot sandwiched between my mother and sister with no pillow of my own, not that it would've helped much anyway because the hotel pillows were as thin as sheets. Unsure of where to place my arms I alternated between under my head and at my side throughout the night, turning only when someone else needed to turn. These circumstances made for a very long, restless and amusing night. We laughed as my grandmother complained of no cups or tissues, at the ant that was crawling under the sheets and at the stiff necks we were in for the following morning. I wouldn't trade the experience for the world though. We had a wonderful time just us girls, but as soon as I got home, I was in for a much-needed nap in my own king-sized bed.
He left on Thursday and he comes home today after a weekend filled with golf, drinks and new memories with friends. I am glad to know that he had a great time, but I am ready for him to be home again. Although I like alone time as much as anyone, I was amazed at how much I missed him despite my own busy weekend.
My mom, sister, grandmother, aunt and I took a road trip of our own to Grove City, Pa. for some heavy-duty shopping. After a long three hour drive there, we arrived at the Outlet Mall with our credit cards in hand and ready to shop til we dropped. And that's exactly what we did. I even got some Christmas shopping done while I was there - hopefully I remember these purchases come December.
My sister, being the money-saving genius that she is, booked us a room at a nearby Super 8 motel... we learned a valuable lesson that night after we arrived at the room exhausted from a full day of shopping - sometimes a bargain isn't worth the bargain price. Since there were five us, we were forced to sleep three in a double bed. Being the youngest at 27, I was relegated to the middle spot sandwiched between my mother and sister with no pillow of my own, not that it would've helped much anyway because the hotel pillows were as thin as sheets. Unsure of where to place my arms I alternated between under my head and at my side throughout the night, turning only when someone else needed to turn. These circumstances made for a very long, restless and amusing night. We laughed as my grandmother complained of no cups or tissues, at the ant that was crawling under the sheets and at the stiff necks we were in for the following morning. I wouldn't trade the experience for the world though. We had a wonderful time just us girls, but as soon as I got home, I was in for a much-needed nap in my own king-sized bed.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Puppy Class!!!!
Well, unlike John Grogan's Marley, my Marley did not flunk out of obedience school, try to hump the teacher or escape down the beach. My Marley did pretty well. She grasped the concept of not jumping up on people, but she certainly wasn't perfect.
The trainer came to our house and the first thing we did was discuss Marley's "issues," which includes excessive jumping, rock chewing and being prejudice. She does not like my black neighbors, or the black man who was shopping in PetSmart, or the Muslim couple who was taking a stroll in our neighborhood the other day. I do not know where this came from as we are friendly with our neighbors, I said hello to the man in PetSmart, and had I been outside at the time, I would have said hello to the nice looking couple coming down the street. I tried to "talk sense" into Marley and explain that we are not prejudice in my house and her behavior was unacceptable. I also tried to point out that she, too, is black by holding up a mirror to her face... But to no avail. She's still nervous around people who have a darker complexion, and although she's not aggressive, she tends to be quite cheeky with them by barking at them and jumping away if they get near her.
As I explained my dilemma to our trainer, she found MY behavior quite amusing. She told me that Marley does not understand the word prejudice and she is not aware that she, too, is black, because dogs can only see a few colors - red, green, blue and another shade that I cannot remember. The rest of their world is black and white and shades of gray. The reason she is nervous around other ethnicities is because she may not be able to distinguish certain features - such as a mouth and hands - as she can with Eric and me. This came as a relief to me, but we certainly need to work on her impolite behavior. So we will work on some techniques that the trainer showed to us, which includes giving treats to Marley while our neighbors are outside at the same time we are and moving closer to them little by little so that Marley can see that they are not a threat to her or to us.
We next worked on problem numero uno - Marley's excessive jumping. It will take some time and several treats to rid her of this problem, but I think we can do it so long as our family and friends cooperate. I will give each of them their own private tutorial as I do not want to give away all of my trainer's secrets - she needs to make a living, too. But let's just say that this involves a leash, treats and soothing words of encouragement. As the evening went on, Marley seemed to grasp the concept of focusing on me as others approach, and because she is such a good sitter, we will be using that to our advantage.
Rocks are the final issue, and while I was worried about her swallowing the rocks, I hadn't taken into account the damage the rocks could do to her teeth. I trained Marley not to grab the little rocks that she could easily swallow, instead I encouraged her to gravitate toward the larger rocks - not a smart idea on my part. So to alleviate the problem, it was suggested that we take hot sauce and pour it on an area she regularly grabs rocks from. We did this, and after she licked the hot sauce for a minute, she decided that it was not a taste she liked. The problem is she went to another area of the rock pile and picked out a clean one. I realize that this behavior could take time to correct, so in the meantime, I'll remain patient and keep a bottle of hot sauce at my side.
The trainer came to our house and the first thing we did was discuss Marley's "issues," which includes excessive jumping, rock chewing and being prejudice. She does not like my black neighbors, or the black man who was shopping in PetSmart, or the Muslim couple who was taking a stroll in our neighborhood the other day. I do not know where this came from as we are friendly with our neighbors, I said hello to the man in PetSmart, and had I been outside at the time, I would have said hello to the nice looking couple coming down the street. I tried to "talk sense" into Marley and explain that we are not prejudice in my house and her behavior was unacceptable. I also tried to point out that she, too, is black by holding up a mirror to her face... But to no avail. She's still nervous around people who have a darker complexion, and although she's not aggressive, she tends to be quite cheeky with them by barking at them and jumping away if they get near her.
As I explained my dilemma to our trainer, she found MY behavior quite amusing. She told me that Marley does not understand the word prejudice and she is not aware that she, too, is black, because dogs can only see a few colors - red, green, blue and another shade that I cannot remember. The rest of their world is black and white and shades of gray. The reason she is nervous around other ethnicities is because she may not be able to distinguish certain features - such as a mouth and hands - as she can with Eric and me. This came as a relief to me, but we certainly need to work on her impolite behavior. So we will work on some techniques that the trainer showed to us, which includes giving treats to Marley while our neighbors are outside at the same time we are and moving closer to them little by little so that Marley can see that they are not a threat to her or to us.
We next worked on problem numero uno - Marley's excessive jumping. It will take some time and several treats to rid her of this problem, but I think we can do it so long as our family and friends cooperate. I will give each of them their own private tutorial as I do not want to give away all of my trainer's secrets - she needs to make a living, too. But let's just say that this involves a leash, treats and soothing words of encouragement. As the evening went on, Marley seemed to grasp the concept of focusing on me as others approach, and because she is such a good sitter, we will be using that to our advantage.
Rocks are the final issue, and while I was worried about her swallowing the rocks, I hadn't taken into account the damage the rocks could do to her teeth. I trained Marley not to grab the little rocks that she could easily swallow, instead I encouraged her to gravitate toward the larger rocks - not a smart idea on my part. So to alleviate the problem, it was suggested that we take hot sauce and pour it on an area she regularly grabs rocks from. We did this, and after she licked the hot sauce for a minute, she decided that it was not a taste she liked. The problem is she went to another area of the rock pile and picked out a clean one. I realize that this behavior could take time to correct, so in the meantime, I'll remain patient and keep a bottle of hot sauce at my side.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Eureka!
I made an interesting observation/revelation this past weekend. You shouldn't criticize others until you walk in their shoes for a day. I came to this conclusion yesterday while at an in-law family function. We arrived with Marley in tow, and because she's a puppy she is a bit overzealous when meeting new people. At 4 months old, Marley can sit, lay down, give paw, catch treats and stay (although she does tend to get impatient if I make her wait too long). Nevertheless, I am a proud mama of her accomplishments, but watching a puppy and making sure she minds well is an exhausting task.
When we first arrived at the relative's home Marley was jumping and trying tirelessly to play with their 6 year old Golden Retriever. Much to Marley's dismay, Carly was not a fan. Carly growled at my pup and even nipped at her a bit - nothing overly threatening, but it still made me nervous - and after Marley lost interest in the other dog, she decided to focus her energy on the other guests. She just wanted people to pet her and love on her. I honestly did not see this as an issue, because again, she's only 4 months old and while she minds well most of the time, she still isn't 100 percent obedient. We are working really hard to stop her from jumping on people, but at 40 pounds, I simply can not hold her back ALL of the time while in the company of others. I certainly pull her back and tell her off, but I can only do so much.
After being questioned when Marley would be attending obedience school, I explained that a trainer is coming to my house tomorrow (now today) to help with her jumping habits. It was then that I was told "it's often the parents of the dog that need the training as they reward the puppy's bad behavior." I couldn't believe what I had just heard. While I admit this was not meant as a dig to me I couldn't help but go on the defensive. Marley is not a poorly behaved animal. Yes, she is a jumper, but she is a PUPPY with puppy energy. She listens to me and comes when I call her. But, as any small child would, she has difficulty focusing when there is a lot of commotion.
After about 30 minutes though, Marley settled down and stayed by my side for the majority of the remainder of the evening. After some coaxing and the offer of many dog treats, Carly even came around and horse played with Marley for a bit. By the end of the night though, I was exhausted because I went into overdrive to make sure that I could prove that my Marley was well behaved. I showed off her tricks and made sure she stayed by my side for the rest of the night. Maybe I'm a little sensitive, but I can understand how it must feel for mothers who have a hyperactive child. You want so badly for others to say how well behaved your little one is, but sometimes that's just not in the cards. I just hope tonight's training session helps with Marley's bad jumping habits so that I never feel as though I am a bad "mom" again.
I realized through this that I should not judge others by their children's behavior. Before last night, I regularly discussed parenting skills and what I would do differently with "my kids" so that they would behave a certain way. The truth of the matter is though you can't control everything. You can only do your best to teach your children (or in my case my puppy) to be polite, kind and to listen when they are told to do something. Sometimes, you simply cannot help it though when there is a lot of commotion and your child or puppy becomes hyper and may temporarily shut down their listening skills. It's the attention given by the others that they love and whether it's good or bad behavior while they at the center of attention they may act in a way that is out of characteristic from their regular every day routine.
When we first arrived at the relative's home Marley was jumping and trying tirelessly to play with their 6 year old Golden Retriever. Much to Marley's dismay, Carly was not a fan. Carly growled at my pup and even nipped at her a bit - nothing overly threatening, but it still made me nervous - and after Marley lost interest in the other dog, she decided to focus her energy on the other guests. She just wanted people to pet her and love on her. I honestly did not see this as an issue, because again, she's only 4 months old and while she minds well most of the time, she still isn't 100 percent obedient. We are working really hard to stop her from jumping on people, but at 40 pounds, I simply can not hold her back ALL of the time while in the company of others. I certainly pull her back and tell her off, but I can only do so much.
After being questioned when Marley would be attending obedience school, I explained that a trainer is coming to my house tomorrow (now today) to help with her jumping habits. It was then that I was told "it's often the parents of the dog that need the training as they reward the puppy's bad behavior." I couldn't believe what I had just heard. While I admit this was not meant as a dig to me I couldn't help but go on the defensive. Marley is not a poorly behaved animal. Yes, she is a jumper, but she is a PUPPY with puppy energy. She listens to me and comes when I call her. But, as any small child would, she has difficulty focusing when there is a lot of commotion.
After about 30 minutes though, Marley settled down and stayed by my side for the majority of the remainder of the evening. After some coaxing and the offer of many dog treats, Carly even came around and horse played with Marley for a bit. By the end of the night though, I was exhausted because I went into overdrive to make sure that I could prove that my Marley was well behaved. I showed off her tricks and made sure she stayed by my side for the rest of the night. Maybe I'm a little sensitive, but I can understand how it must feel for mothers who have a hyperactive child. You want so badly for others to say how well behaved your little one is, but sometimes that's just not in the cards. I just hope tonight's training session helps with Marley's bad jumping habits so that I never feel as though I am a bad "mom" again.
I realized through this that I should not judge others by their children's behavior. Before last night, I regularly discussed parenting skills and what I would do differently with "my kids" so that they would behave a certain way. The truth of the matter is though you can't control everything. You can only do your best to teach your children (or in my case my puppy) to be polite, kind and to listen when they are told to do something. Sometimes, you simply cannot help it though when there is a lot of commotion and your child or puppy becomes hyper and may temporarily shut down their listening skills. It's the attention given by the others that they love and whether it's good or bad behavior while they at the center of attention they may act in a way that is out of characteristic from their regular every day routine.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Starting a family
It's amazing how quickly the baby "itch" comes on. Two years ago I would have said that children were a long, long way off, but the maternal instinct snuck up on me like a blow horn. Three of my dearest friends recently had babies, and then my sister gave birth to a beautiful little girl and bam! - I want a baby of my own. Before, I really liked children, but I also enjoyed the ability of handing them back to their parents at the end of the night. Now, I want someone else to hand my child over to me at the end of the night.
I can't wait to be pregnant and become overprotective of my little one growing inside. I can't wait to go through morning sickness and then feel the baby kick for the first time. I even look forward to watching my belly grow. (Although, I pray I have some of my sister's genes and have her ability to lose the weight quickly)...
I can't wait to hold my child in my arms and raise him or her to be good citizens who are kind, compassionate and responsible. I'd like to believe that I'll be a good parent who will love my child unconditionally and have the patience to do as great of a job parenting as my mom and dad did for me. I wasn't always the easiest person to be around, but my parents taught me to work hard, be polite and make wise decisions. I strive to do those things, although I admit sometimes while my intentions are good, I don't always follow through on the wise-decisions part. But another thing that my parents taught me is to learn from my mistakes and I can honestly say that I do... most of the time. These qualities are what I hope to pass on to the next generation.
I look at my 6 month old niece and yearn to be able to give her and my other nieces and nephew a cousin. Will I know immediately how to be a good parent? I hope so, but I'm also realistic that it will take some practice. I hope that my maternal instinct kicks into overdrive and I can give my own child the love and attention that my mother gave to me. Hopefully someday in the near future, I'll be writing that this newfound dream has come true.
In the meantime, I'll focus my energy on being an aunt who spoils her nieces and nephew and a dogmom who spoils her 4-month old labradoodle to pieces.
I can't wait to be pregnant and become overprotective of my little one growing inside. I can't wait to go through morning sickness and then feel the baby kick for the first time. I even look forward to watching my belly grow. (Although, I pray I have some of my sister's genes and have her ability to lose the weight quickly)...
I can't wait to hold my child in my arms and raise him or her to be good citizens who are kind, compassionate and responsible. I'd like to believe that I'll be a good parent who will love my child unconditionally and have the patience to do as great of a job parenting as my mom and dad did for me. I wasn't always the easiest person to be around, but my parents taught me to work hard, be polite and make wise decisions. I strive to do those things, although I admit sometimes while my intentions are good, I don't always follow through on the wise-decisions part. But another thing that my parents taught me is to learn from my mistakes and I can honestly say that I do... most of the time. These qualities are what I hope to pass on to the next generation.
I look at my 6 month old niece and yearn to be able to give her and my other nieces and nephew a cousin. Will I know immediately how to be a good parent? I hope so, but I'm also realistic that it will take some practice. I hope that my maternal instinct kicks into overdrive and I can give my own child the love and attention that my mother gave to me. Hopefully someday in the near future, I'll be writing that this newfound dream has come true.
In the meantime, I'll focus my energy on being an aunt who spoils her nieces and nephew and a dogmom who spoils her 4-month old labradoodle to pieces.
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