A few nights ago while taking Marley out for her before bed pee, I noticed a very large brown, hairy spider living in my sun room. This spider's body was the size of a nickel and had long, hairy legs. It was sitting in its funnel web in the corner just waiting for its prey. One thing that I am absolutely petrified of is spiders, and the bigger they are, the louder I scream. Naturally, I ran upstairs to wake my sleeping husband to come outside and kill this arachnid that can clearly eat me.
Reluctantly, Eric followed me outside to see what all the fuss was about. As he moved toward the tarantula-like spider, I grabbed a heavy construction boot and told him to do his manly duty and kill the sucker. Apparently, Eric has a slight fear of spiders, too, because it was too big for him to kill. As he moved the patio furniture to get an even closer look, he noticed another very large brown, hairy spider sitting in yet another funnel web waiting for its prey. As I yelled "you've got to be "explicit" kidding me," I looked up and for the first time in the many nights of taking Marley outside noticed that my sun room - the room that has become the thorn in my side - has been taken over by very large, hairy spiders. There are spiderwebs at every corner of this metal structure, which can only mean that there are many more spiders and probably different species of them to boot.
Naturally I panicked, and got on the internet to see if I could identify what type of arachnid was living in such closer corridors as me, and simultaneously immediately called my father to find out what to do. First, he told me to calm down and that these spiders would not eat me nor are they poisonous, but if they bothered me that much I could get out my vacuum cleaner and get rid of them, but he reminded me that spiders do control the mosquito and fly population so I might consider leaving them where they are and waiting for the fall when the cold weather would drive them away. Against my better judgment I decided to leave them be for now, but to use caution as I open and shut the patio door. So now, Marley is on a strict time limit. She has 5 seconds to run outside before I slam the patio door behind her. Otherwise I start to panic that one of these monsters might follow me into my family room.
Last night, as I lay my head on my pillow and shut my eyes, I sat there thinking of those spiders lurking in that little room, waiting to get a taste of me. Sure enough, about a half hour into dreamland I awoke screaming at Marley to "move, move, move," that there's a spider in the bed. I stripped the bed of the linens in search of Charlotte. To no avail, there was no spider crawling in my sheets, nor were there any waiting for me on my bedroom walls or inching its way across the rug. After some reassurance that it was only mind playing tricks on me, I finally fell asleep.
At around 6 a.m. this morning, Marley decided it was time for me to get up, because nature was calling her. As I took her to the patio door, I noticed another very large, only this time not hairy, red and white spider. She was in her web above the door preparing her meal, wrapping her prey over and over in her silk web. It was actually quite interesting to watch, but at the same time made my skin crawl all over again. I had had enough. Not only do I want that room taken down, I also want the spiders gone. I am contemplating getting a jar and coaxing them into it, so that they can be released into the woods behind my house, but now I have to find someone with enough cajones to do it. Any takers?
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